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Old Mary Catherine Bridgette O'Gill
(c) 1996, W. Scott Messer. Recorded by Darby O'Gill, "Waitin' for a
Ride", 1996, Dog Sheet Music.
Notes: A bit of a lark. A tongue-in-cheek rail against marriage. This
song has won two songwriting awards.
Old Mary Cathering Bridgette O’Gill
© 1996, W. S. Messer

Am          Em         Am        Em Am
Old Mary Catherine Bridgette O’Gill
G                                            Em
Tortures me daily as old women will
Am                                          C
I wish I were single for all o’ me life
   Am          Em            Am    Em Am
But old Mary Catherine O’Gill is me wife

When I was a young man, more foolish than wise
A young woman caught me by stealth and surprise
By means of seduction, rye whiskey and gin
She opened her gate and she soon let me in

Her father came at me full sore with his gun
And me, bein’ up in me cups, couldn’t run
He offered a choice of the chapel or jail
Or else I could keep all his shot in me tail

Now I’m a farmer all bent by the plough
And livin’ me life by the sweat of me brow
I never bemoan and I never complain
And old Mary Catherine O’Gill is to blame

But if I were a sailor and a long way from home
Tied at Bermuda, the ports for to roam
There’d be none but them foreign women for me
For I hear that there’s plenty o’ fish in that sea

If I were a lawyer for poor folk and such
I’d win all me cases, I’d charge way too much
I’d tuck all my money up under my bed
Then I’d get out me gun and I’d shoot off me head

If I could play baseball American style
With one swing of the bat, I’d knock it a mile
Me fans would go crazy, me Da’ would be proud
As I scratched meself fondly in front of the crowd

(Take me out to the ball game, take me out to the crowd)

If we were musicians in a real Irish band
That would be fabulous, wondrous grand
Sometimes we’d get drunk, sometimes we’d get paid
Sometimes we’d get lucky, sometimes we’d get laid

Now if you’re not married I’ll give some advice
Don’t ever propose and don’t even think twice
Don’t ever get married by threat or by force
For the only way out is by death or divorce
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